Sometimes when you say all the things you wanted to say, and most of which being below the belt and hurtful, it makes you feel like you just, I don't know, set off a bomb. Like, a hate bomb? I think the guilt stems from the realization that the words can never be taken back or merely forgotten, but will signal a permanent end to a relationship. I don't speak these sort of permanent, irretrievable words very often and there's only been two instances in my life where I've been so angry and indignant that I've thrown them. The last time I think I was in the tenth grade so....I think that speaks volumes of my interpersonal style. I've let things simmer and fade and I've "forgotten" to return calls. I'm not about repelling and pushing away, more like, I just slowly saunter in the opposite direction.
Today however, I got so mad at someone, I was so tired of hearing of them, from them (rarely *scoff*), and looking at them on facebook, that I just let them have it. Now if you're asking, 'this sounds like intense anger, who could cause such anger in a seemingly lighthearted girl?' you'd be safe in guessing a boy. I always joked and misused the phrase "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" until today. It was long overdue, bottled up, steaming. Now, I couldn't put my finger on what triggered it but, when I got mad, I got MAD.
It wasn't so much the choice of words or the fact that I said them, it just bothers me that I can't take them back, even if I were to try. Saying the difficult things, the things you've been wanting to say for years and it all comes out in this weird, anticlimactic way and it's just....over.
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