Ick

I don't like this color scheme.

But I'm too lazy right now.

Tomorrow.

This illness has driven me to drink!

Orange juice! Lots and lots of the OJ! This last week has been confusing. Mostly just because I'm sick but I don't feel like I have a cold, you KNOW when you have a cold. I've nearly coughed up a lung, gotten winded if I moved faster than a snail, and my throat could be best described as a vibrant fire engine red. Last week when I went in for my yearly poking and prodding the doctor just said, "eh, a chest cold. By the way, you most likely have exercise induced asthma, here's a script for an inhaler. Call me if it gets worse." Now I love my doctor, and yes, I do need an inhaler and it's helped yadda yadda, but there was this unpleasant foreboding in the air. The cold, icy air that continued to rip my lungs to bits of shred. I imagine my lungs like a piece of paper in a five year olds hands anxious to make a bajillion snowflake cutouts. A five year old jerk.

Five days later and I have no voice, can't NOT cough, and generally just want to curl up in a ball and wimper. A hug from my mom would probably make me feel better. Illnesses have a way of making you feel like a kid again, and it's makes your mom treat you like a kid again. I'm not going to fight it. But I still don't feel like I have a cold! Seriously! I really am baffled by this one. So I called off work today (sorry Kathryn!) and poor Kathryn had to cover for me. It's the first time I've ever called off sick since I started there last May so I think they believe me when I say I'M ILL! I dragged my sorry self up the hill to my doc's office and got some of those antibiotics! Hooray! She also ordered me off work for the rest of the weekend as I'm contagious and all, and I had the distinct displeasure of having to break that news to my manager. She was less than thrilled. I didn't even get the obligatory well wishes, just a long sigh and "well...we'll just have to figure something out". That really helped. Illness with a generous heaping of guilt. I don't think customers want their lattes with a side of strep. Just sayin', that costs extra.

So my pile of medicines, my cold cocktail if you will, was swept off my coffee table to be replaced with a shiny, boxed, beacon of hope. Something I can't pronounce but that just makes it seem all the more valid. It has a "z" in it so that's how I know it's all business. So here's to feeling better (holding up a glass of orange juice) !

Positively glowing

Man oh man did I miss sunshine! Four days in a row of glorious sunshine! Even though I've been a tad busy and pretty ill with a crazy cough (that makes my voice sound like a forty year old heavy smoker) I realize that things could be worse.

I don't know what it is about today, maybe it's the sunshine, but despite some upsets I feel renewed somehow. Maybe it's the effects of the Benadryl? Because besides feeling renewed I feel like I may have the Plague. That's right, plague with a capital "P".  But really though, I feel like I'm in a good place. I feel spring on it's way.

On Sunday I get to go home for the first time since Christmas and I'm really excited to see my family. I'm going to make sure to wear out my welcome.

?

What does is mean when your ex quotes High Fidelity to insult you? I'm conflicted because I really like that movie so in a way I'm like "aw shucks you shouldn't have" but on the other hand I'm like "but I'm awesome!!!"  This was the chosen quote:

"Can you see your name on that list? Maybe you'd sneak into the top ten. But there's just no room for you in the top five, SORRY. Those places are reserved for the kind of heartbreak and humiliation you're just not capable of delivering..."

OOOOOH! I imagine a crowd of people surrounding a boxing ring of some sort covering their mouths in playful defensiveness. What I find so ironic is that it wasn't me who caused the humiliation and heartbreak. He for sure holds a spot in the top five of my personal desert island breakups. Ha, and he always moped about how he was never good at anything.


So I think it's clear that I'm not too broken up about being insulted via John Cusack. Actually, if I HAD to be insulted it would be ONLY via John Cusack. In High Fidelity he always had something clever to say and it makes me wonder if his lines weren't hand sculpted by a woman. Guys don't tend to have the gift of witty comebacks and slicing insults, we were given that gift in spades.

In summation, don't start something with a quote. You won't know how to carry it off and you'll certainly be buried in a never ending hail storm of demeaning and insightful defamations so powerful that you'll pass them down as lore to your children and your childrens children as a warning against trying to outwit a girl.

Okay, that might be a bit dramatic.

......

Sometimes you get tired of dealing with the day to day on your own. Coming home to an empty apartment. Eating by yourself. Watching tv and movies by yourself.

I think it's this weather that just has a way of making you feel depressed. Eh, who knows what the hell is wrong with me today.

Ugh Thursday

Sometimes when you say all the things you wanted to say, and most of which being below the belt and hurtful, it makes you feel like you just, I don't know, set off a bomb. Like, a hate bomb? I think the guilt stems from the realization that the words can never be taken back or merely forgotten, but will signal a permanent end to a relationship. I don't speak these sort of permanent, irretrievable words very often and there's only been two instances in my life where I've been so angry and indignant that I've thrown them. The last time I think I was in the tenth grade so....I think that speaks volumes of my interpersonal style. I've let things simmer and fade and I've "forgotten" to return calls. I'm not about repelling and pushing away, more like, I just slowly saunter in the opposite direction.

Today however, I got so mad at someone, I was so tired of hearing of them, from them (rarely *scoff*), and looking at them on facebook, that I just let them have it.  Now if you're asking, 'this sounds like intense anger, who could cause such anger in a seemingly lighthearted girl?' you'd be safe in guessing a boy. I always joked and misused the phrase "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" until today. It was long overdue, bottled up, steaming. Now, I couldn't put my finger on what triggered it but, when I got mad, I got MAD.

It wasn't so much the choice of words or the fact that I said them, it just bothers me that I can't take them back, even if I were to try. Saying the difficult things, the things you've been wanting to say for years and it all comes out in this weird, anticlimactic way and it's just....over.

Ugh Tuesday

Yet another reason to loath my Tuesday school schedule, I'll be missing this:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ba3ccCBk7hg